2020: the year of no fear

Hi. Hello. Here we are at the start of a brand new year (okay, yeah, we're a week in, and I'm only writing this now... but time's a social construct anyway).

My New Years was great. It was one of those memories I wish I could freeze and pocket and keep suspended in time for just a little while longer. But then reality hits and it's 4:30am in the morning, the birds are already singing, your throat is croaky as fuck, and it's finally time to try and get some sleep.

I'll be honest, though: having the calendar flipped all the way back to January again is somewhat daunting. It's like finishing a race and then being told to go back to the start and do it all over again. That's a shitty analogy, but there you go. I guess another way of putting it is a bit like saying January is the Monday of months.

Although I am, admittedly, slightly intimidated by 2020, I'm also excited (and not just because we're living in the roaring twenties version two). For me, a new year is always a good excuse to reflect on the year just gone and to anticipate what's to come.

See, I've decided 2020 is the year of no fear.

My confidence in the past two years or so has really grown, and it's especially grown from when I was, say, twelve years old presenting a speech to my peers on the verge of a serious teary-eyed breakdown (thank you, Mrs Wynne, for mistaking my quaking nerves for passion).

I guess I've realised a few things. The main being that it's so much more fun and meaningful to live life freely and unfiltered (discmaimer: that does not allow you to be an asshole). Because, in the end, the only worthy person of judging your being, is yourself. And let's be real, no one really cares as much as you think they do. Trust me, no one else but you will recall that embarassing moment from 10 years ago that's keeping you awake at 2am in the morning (thanks, brain).

Essentially what I'm saying is: no one cares and nothing matters! And that's an entirely good thing.

Yet, as a human, it's so fucking easy to just sit behind our self-constructed barricades that lock us into the Dreaded Comfort Zone. Why? Because being vulnerable is scary. Personally, my comfort zone is decked out with soft bean bags, fairy lights and grapefruit scented candles. Your comfort zone may look different to mine, but I'm sure it has the same function. Essentially, it's a safe zone that protects from potential judgement and potential hurt. It's a place we reside in out of fear.

Now, the thing is, with little risk there is little reward. Just like in gambling, higher risk taking means the potential for a higher reward. And by remaining in my comfort zone, I'm taking little to no risk.

D'ya get what I'm saying? Life is just a goddamn pokies machine. There, that's it. That's my metaphor.

I'm not finished yet, though! See, if I'm sitting in my comfort zone (it does smell good, not gonna lie), I'm kind of stuck. There's no room for potentially super rewarding experiences, and there's not really much room for personal growth either.

This is why it's so important to seek discomfort.

Also - something super cool is that the more you step outside of your comfort zone, and seek that discomfort, the larger your zone grows and the more comfortable you become with doing things that you previously wouldn't have done.

We can't forget the pokies machine metaphor, though, because there's never a guarantee in the outcome. Without a doubt, life is full of unsuccesses (yay), but it's about perspective. If you make a mistake or fail, you've just gotta own it. As my band conductor preaches - be confident in your mistakes. Own them (because they're gonna happen), learn from them, and simply move on. Growth comes from success, and it especially comes from failure.

Hence, I hatch my plan for 2020: the year of no fear.

Last year I made excuses for why I opted out of doing things, or why, in the moment, I decided not to follow my heart. In the end, though, it simply came down to being afraid. Being vulnerable is scary, that's no joke. But it's also a space where you can reap the greatest rewards.

So, this year I plan on doing my best to not let fear rule my life, and to instead let it fuel me. Here's to 2020: the discomfort zone! We've got this.